Have you been keeping score lately? Chances are you probably have. You’ve probably been keeping score for a really long time, and it’s not for a game that’s played with a ball. It’s the kind of game that’s played with the mind.
It’s the kind of game that’s played in a relationship. Just about every relationship you have had and currently have, is subject to keeping score.
Some play the game a little more intensely than others. But intense or not, whether we want to admit it or not, we all keep score on some level. Somewhere down deep inside, you’re aware of your status in every relationship you have.
Unfortunately, some people keep score with a bag of hurts and offenses. They like to fill up the bag, and then drag it around and show other people how full the bag is, and justify their behavior towards that person based on the size of their bag. “Look at the size of this bag! Look at what this person’s done to me!”
Yes, we’ve all made mistakes. Even when we’ve had the best of intentions, we’ve all hurt somebody.
But here’s the thing.
We’ve got to remember to keep a bag of all the good. The encouragement. The support. Just being there for someone. Showing up day after day. Bringing home a paycheck. Hearing the need and filling it. Doing what needs to be done. The compliments. The gifts. The favors. All the positive effort put forth.
Obviously if there’s bad things happening, there’s got to be some good things happening too… but why don’t we keep track of those as carefully? Why don’t we drag around a bag of happiness and brag about it and show that off to our friends and family? “Look at the size of this bag! Look at what this person’s done for me!”
The negatives seem to weigh heavier in our minds, and when we focus on this, we’re sabotaging our relationships even when we’re away from them. What we focus on grows. We ruminate on a comment or a gesture or some other offense and in the long run, when enough build up, that’s when the damage occurs.
A lot of times we’re not even aware that someone we love is carrying around a bag of pain that we contributed to. Sometimes we’re not given the chance to be made aware of it. The damage occurs without us even realizing it until it’s too late.
Then one day a question is asked, or a comment is made, and the realization comes to the surface. But now there’s too much water under the bridge, and nothing can be done to repair the damage.
Some of us know how to forgive, and some of us don’t. Some of us are willing to forgive, and some of us aren’t. And some of us are not even aware that we need to be forgiven.
So check yourself. What kind of bags are you carrying around?
If you find those bags are weighing you down, you might want to balance it out by filling up a new bag with some of the good stuff.